she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
