i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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