Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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