Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Randomize
