Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
