Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
