He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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