He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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