Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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