just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
