Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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