Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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