am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
