He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
