My room smells like vodka and shame
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
