i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
