I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
