She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I look better un-naked...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
