Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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