pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
