Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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