True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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