bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
