you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
