I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
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