well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
