I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
