matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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