saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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