sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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