Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
