Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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