I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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