she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
