Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
