hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
