how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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