I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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