Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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