dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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