I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
