During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
