I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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