I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
did i just pee glitter
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
