Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
