there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
