im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
