Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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