Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize