so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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