You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You have to summon your inner elephant
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
