im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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