just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
