my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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