Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
