You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
