Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
