happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
