Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
