Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
