Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
