Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
