The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
