i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
