Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
