is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
