its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
