i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
